Why I Gamble

The change of the calendar from one year to the next tends to bring about reflection for most people, even if it's just for a passing moment.  We tend to look back at where we were a year ago and think about how things have changed.  For the average person, there's been quite a bit of difference.  There were likely changes in relationships, understandings, thought patterns, and things like that.  Some years can bring a change of geographical location or even internal location, a change in status, be that marital, academic, social, career-related, etc.  Whatever the last 12 months brought, it has likely altered some things in you and in your life.
One of the things that I've realized as the years tick by is that when these periods of reflection come, I tend to find myself amazed and sometimes surprised.  Things that seem sure in one moment can be completely altered the next.  The person you think you'll be with forever is no longer in your life.  The job you expected to have for years to come ends for one reason or another.  You're healthy one day, then the next, you're staring at the ceiling of a hospital room.  With so much change, flux, and uncertainty, why would anyone invest heavily in anything?  Why not just live moment to moment for the greatest possible pleasure and personal benefit?  If nothing is guaranteed, why even try?  I've been told since I was a child that tomorrow isn't promised, so why plan and prepare for tomorrow if it may not come or be as you want it to be?
Because life is a gamble.  It's like investing - the more you put in, the more you have the potential to get back as a return.  Does  it always work out to give you a positive?  Not necessarily in a given situation, but that doesn't mean that your investment in one place won't grant you a beautiful return in another.  For instance, you might be an art lover, so you work hard at your job, scraping and saving until you can finally get that piece of art that you've had your eye on.  Your investment in one place (work) granted the return that you wanted (the masterpiece).   This might be a bit harder to see in relationships, especially when they end.  But I believe that our investment in any given relationship can bring positive returns in that relationship and in future relationships as well, because they bring about the return of self-awareness, relational understanding, and so much more. 
Can every risk be carefully calculated and accurately assessed?  No, because other people are involved, and they aren't variables that you can control no matter how hard you try.  But that too is part of the gamble - the decision to interact on any real level with other people.  So everything we do is a gamble... We have to make the decision to do what is necessary even if it's difficult or doesn't seem safe or smart.  I was having a conversation today, and it was a question of whether or not to trust.  The person I was talking to said that she had been hurt before and lied to before, and because of that, she was choosing to assume that it was happening again.  As the conversation wore on, even though the evidence didn't point to lies, she was still unwilling to really accept it since she'd already made up her mind.  She wasn't willing to gamble....
I'm not saying that it's necessary to take every gamble, because that's not a good idea at all.  But it is necessary to gamble at times.  This means investing in things that aren't 100% certain.  Even if they end in ways that you don't desire or anticipate, it doesn't mean that it wasn't worth the investment.  And I encourage you to take a gamble.  Do something that you're unsure of but that you've wanted to do.  Even if a year from now it looks different or things have gone in a different direction, the strength it took to gamble won't be lost.

This Girl is on Fire

Being that this is the first of the year and the beginning of this new blog, I figured I would start from a place of inspiration that I feel can be a guiding help for the year to come.  We tend to talk about resolutions and such, but I think we have to make each day resolute as well.  And I think that starts with empowering ourselves and getting beyond that which may be hindering us or causing us hesitation.  Even in my unconventional relationship to the Bible, I have found that it does have much to offer us if we know how to read it for the beauty it can add to our lives in speaking to the human experience and God's interaction therein.  Enjoy...

Jeremiah 20:7-9 = You deceived me, Lord, and I was deceived; you overpowered me and prevailed.  I am ridiculed all day long; everyone mocks me.  Whenever I speak, I cry out proclaiming violence and destruction.  So the word of the Lord has brought me insult and reproach all day long.  But if I say, “I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name,” his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones.  I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.

Since I have come to understand myself as a called individual, particularly as a person with some prophetic insight, I have looked to this scripture time and again because it has some correlation with my life and experience.  I’m sure that many people with any sense of calling can relate to the feeling of being called/compelled to do something and then feeling like they’ve been tricked in some way.  ‘Maybe God was mistaken,’ we think.  ‘I feel like You set me up, God.’  We can find ourselves in places and led to do things that make us question all of what we think we heard.  It can get tough - people can respond to us in less than positive ways, and we can feel beat up and persecuted or even just frustrated by how things turn out.  At the point where we meet Jeremiah in this text, he has been beaten up and put in stocks.  Yet, after he is released, he goes to the person who put him in the stocks and delivers a word that says that he (Pashhur) will bring destruction to his friends and death to himself. 

Common sense might tell you that if someone just had you beaten and put into stocks that you would want to go far from that person once you were released.  But for some strange reason, Jeremiah went back into the lion's den and said things that could get him a repeat of his previous punishment, if not worse.  Why in the world would he do that?  Well, as he complains to God, it's because he feels compelled by a passion that is akin to fire.  Even though his physical life and health may be in jeopardy if he does what he feels led to do, the drive in him is so strong that it doesn't matter - he would rather risk it than to sit on this word he has been given.  I am a writer, and there have been moments where words have piled up in my chest and in my head to the point that I couldn't think, breathe, and sit still until I have gotten those words onto paper and out of my being.  Whatever your passion, you likely have had experiences like these where you felt it building or pushing on you or weighing so heavily on you that until you responded to the feeling, you couldn't find any sort of peace or rest.
But what about the risk?  For me, taking the moment to get a piece of paper and write down what I'm thinking/feeling, there isn't much risk.  Even if what I write is controversial, I don't necessarily have to do anything with it.  The desire was to write it.  Yet, after the writing, I'm likely gonna need to share it in some way, and depending on what it is, that could cause some consequences and repercussions.  If it's a personal message, the person may not like/receive it.  If it's something more universal, it may change people's opinion of me.  There is always some level of risk in doing what God asks to do in a public place - ask Jesus, MLK, Martin Luther, and any other martyr or person who died for their cause.  Even if your risk is stepping outside the box and having people think your idea is radical or going against the status quo, if you are going to do anything of substance, it will likely cause an issue or a ripple in the pond of some sort...
But that's okay.  In fact, that can be the best thing for us.  While Jeremiah experienced much persecution and frustration through his lifetime, he was also blessed to have an intimate with God.  There was also some provision for him toward the end of his life to live in a palace and be treated well.  Does everyone have a happy ending like that?  No.  But they find greater fulfillment in doing what their very being calls out for them to do?  I would like to think so.  I know that I find relief whenever I write what I feel led to, even if it's just for my own personal edification.  And I am further affirmed in the fact that the Creator of the universe still has things to say to me from time to time, which is a good feeling, esp when I can get too caught up in my own life to be as attentive as I should be.  

Take away: I think that while it can sometimes be hard to do whatever it is we are feeling led to do, and even though there may even be some risk involved, we should never miss an opportunity to live out and positively respond to our calling and/or passion.  You don't have to be a minister or prophet to be called.  And you don't have to be perfect to respond.  Clearly Jeremiah cried and complained, but God can handle our concerns and complaints.  God's not offended when you're honest about your feelings... but obedience is still the optimal response.   So be empowered.  The world didn't end on December 21 or at midnight, so there's more to be done.  Find, feel, and follow your passion(s) and your call(s).  Let that fire propel you into greater things for 2013 and beyond.