A man comes into a "law firm" covered in blood, pleading with the lawyers there to prove that he didn't kill his girlfriend. They decide to take his case and after interviewing him, they get to work investigating. They come across security camera footage that provides him an alibi... but he doesn't want them to use it. Clearly this doesn't make sense. I mean, he showed up there, asking them to prove that he didn't do it, because he didn't. But he doesn't want them to use the piece of evidence that will do that. Well, here's the twist (and a spoiler if you haven't seen it and plan to watch) - while he was publicly a decorated war hero, anti-gay spokesman, conservative Republican, and even a deacon at his church, his alibi was him kissing a man. And he was willing to go to jail to protect that secret... jail for murder. Because of his concern for the public's perception (and he was a very public figure), he was willing to possibly face life in prison. While it is true that our justice system isn't perfect and innocent people get wrongfully convicted, he was willing to put himself in prison to hide who he really was from public view... although in reality he was already in a prison of sorts, having to hide who he was, how he felt, who he loved, etc. He was pretending to have a romantic relationship with a female to seem "normal" and be acceptable. While his female friend was willing to accept and support him, pretending to be his gf, he knew it wouldn't be that easy for most of the people who he'd aligned himself with. So, the closet v. prison - they seemed relatively comparable.
He changed his mind because Olivia convinced him that he didn't have to hide or be ashamed of who he was and who he loved. Having seen the footage, she could tell that the love that he had for the man with him was real, and he should be able to live that. She talked about keeping a secret, having had her own experience with doing so. She says that she understands his motivation - not wanting to disappoint people who look up to him, being what he thinks the country wants/needs, but she said none of that matters. She says, "Who you are, who you love shouldn't have to be a secret." After he ponders what she says, he gives the name of the man so they can contact him for an alibi. Then, the next scene is him giving a press conference in his full military uniform, wearing his medals. He told the world that he was proud to have served his country, to be injured for his country, and to have been a gay man while doing so.
Some things spoke to me as I watched this show. One of which is the fact that there is so much to all of us, but a lot of times we hide pieces and parts of ourselves for various reasons and in various ways. I wonder what it would cost for us to live authentically 100% of the time... or at least 90-95. And would we be willing to pay said price? Would we think it a worthy investment even if the cost wasn't high? Do we even want to live authentically, or are we okay just trying to live within the parameters set by someone who is more interested in the status quo than your well-being and fulfillment? Whether it's your parents, teachers, family, church/religion, school, significant other, friends, colleagues, society, or anyone else, we are all influenced by someone, and we all have moments where we suppress some part of who we really are so as to maintain relationship with them. How much do you hide on a daily basis and around who? It's true that we all have different roles in different relationships in our lives, and so there are times when you have to be able to tailor who you are out of respect. But that is different in my mind than hiding how you are, purposely pretending to be someone or something else.
The other thing, which comes directly from the first, is that I ought to be more authentic. As a minister, I think it's important for people to know that I'm no more special or different than they are. Just like God talks to me, God talks to them. I'm not perfect, and I don't walk on water or anything like that. I have no desire to be worshiped or exalted. I don't want you to respect me simply because of my position - I want you to respect me because all human beings deserve respect. One of the things that I noticed in seminary is that a lot of ministers feel the need to hide themselves from their congregants and the people they minister to, but I don't think that's always a positive thing. In order for people to have a realistic understanding of how to have relationship with God while being imperfect human beings (and feeling empowered in that relationship), we should be much more honest about our lives.
So with that in mind, I will share my own truth and say that I am gay. For some people, this won't be a blip on their radar screen. For others, they will have to unfriend me on facebook. At this point, either of those responses is fine with me. I have come to the point in life where it is who I am, and whether or not other people are okay with it makes less difference. I lived most of my life, especially as a minister, hiding most of who I was, because I didn't think it was okay or appropriate or become of a minister. I'm sure there are lots of questions that some people have, and I have no problem answering them. I think open and honest dialogue would make a huge difference in our lives and in the world. I have no desire to argue with people about this (or anything, as I'm not the argumentative type), but I am always open to listen to people who are also willing to listen, even if we have to disagree agreeably. For the record, I don't hate mean, I'm not gay because of my dad, and I don't think God hates me. In fact, my theology on the whole thing would probably challenge most people, but I think that will have to be saved for private conversations and questions.
At the end of the day, I'm still just me. The person I love just happens to be a woman... a great woman at that. :)
"Who you are, who you love shouldn't have to be a secret."
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