Thanksgiving with a Twist

Today is a day when people tend to spend some time in reflection.  We are encouraged to be thankful and to think on the things that life has blessed us with.  Being the introspective person that I am, I have done so as well over the past couple days.  And like most others, I am grateful for the blessings of family, friends, basic needs, etc.  But as I dug a little deeper, there are some other things that I am thankful for, one in particular, that don't typically surface on the traditional list.

I am thankful for the people who refuse(d) to accept me, because they have pushed me to accept myself.  I grew up feeling like I needed the approval and acceptance of others.  Being a person of multiple minorities, this was a difficult need to have.  Even within groups of people who should have embraced me, finding acceptance has been difficult to say the least.  For a long time, I tried to fit into other people's boxes of expectation, because I just wanted to be accepted.  This is a basic human need, and I fought myself hard to find it.  Of course, that didn't really work, because the acceptance I got was based on a presentation rather than the actual me.  It probably wasn't until I had to deal with a desire to be accepted based on (or in spite of) my sexual orientation (not preference, because it is not a choice) that I really came to grips with the fact that this was not something that certain people would accept... but my life still had to continue.  The people who refused to accept me made me delve deeper.  I questioned and wrestled and prayed and cried, willing it to be another way, because I didn't want to lose those people or their positive opinion of me.  But just like being black and a female and 5'4, there was nothing I could do about liking women.  And once I accepted that it was part of myself, I realized that no matter who didn't accept it, I had.  I was (and am) the most important person in my sphere of acceptance.  There have been people with whom my relationship has been drastically altered since coming to this place of understanding, but if it wasn't for their opposition to who I am, I wouldn't have been motivated to seek my own authentic truth.  I can stand on my own two feet, and for that I am grateful...

So I am grateful for lost relationships, for rejection, for the consequences of choosing to be me rather than someone else's expectations.  Because just as they can live their lives as they feel they have been given, I can now do the same.  More than all the money in the world, the friends and family smiling in my face, the applause of the crowds, or anything else that seems nice on the surface, I am thankful that when I go to bed at night, I can be proud of who I am and live that truth every day.  Can you say that?

A Roar and a Sermon

"I've got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire, cuz I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar louder, louder than a lion, cuz I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar."  It is unfortunate that many people do not find or allow themselves that freedom.  We often spend so much time worried about the opinions, words, actions, and judgments of others that we neglect ourselves and the true beauty of what makes us unique.  Just because someone likes/prefers things a certain way doesn't that you should allow them to alter you to fit it.  Maybe their views need to be less narrow or maybe they don't need you in their life.  If they cannot truly love/respect who you are (not just their version of who they think you should be), then you should consider the truth of their love and whether you deserve more...  So don't let your voice be silenced in the interest of someone else and to your detriment. 
After I did the above reflections a few days ago, I went to a worship service that had a sermon with some resonance of this same message.  She spoke about how preachers should be unafraid of the response of the congregation, speaking the truth without fear.  She used the example of Pilate who had misgivings about sentencing Jesus to death, but he was swayed by the crowd and was more concerned with keeping the peace and advancing his political career.  It was his wife who pushed him to distance himself, because the truth was about to be killed by the masses, and she felt that he should have no part in it.  He didn't have the courage to stand up to the crowd, though he certainly had the power and authority....  So he recused himself, washing his hands, but let the crowd do what it wanted and kill the truth.
How often do we let others kill our truth?  Worse yet, how often do we join them, throwing our own blows as we are swept away in the mob mentality against ourselves?  We sometimes let others have such pull in our lives that we will assist them in our murder.  One thing that the speaker said was that when we listen to or go with the crowd, our silence is louder than our voice.  It speaks to a lack of value for ourselves and for the majesty of God's creation.  It also highlights a lack of proper perspective and understanding of others.  If we understood that others tend to dislike what's different out of fear and discomfort with themselves... If we understood that we have the final say over our lives, over who we are, and over our value...  If we understood that one of the most important things we can have is love for and acceptance of ourselves, then we can live life in a way that is not bound by the opinions, preferences, judgments, biases, and insecurities of others. 
So find your voice and your roar.  Even if you are a more quiet, laid back person, don't let anyone define you. We all have value, power, and strength - the problem is that we give it away in the interest of gaining someone else's love.  Our focus needs to be receiving our own love and the love of the Creator who loved (and loves) us despite whatever judgments anyone else might have.  For someone else to love you, you might have to be a certain way or do certain things.  For the Divine to love you and for you to love yourself, you need only be and recognize the beauty that is you.

Incision

I need an incision...
I need my pen to be my scalpel and
Open up my soul,
Doing heart surgery to
Transmit the blockage in my heart
To the page by its ink.
After it clears the
Emotional arteries,
Its partner,
The music would have to
Sew it up,
Sealing in the healing
For my strength and life.
With their medicated and holistic approach,
When the two scrub in and work their magic,
It's like I'm under...
Not anesthesia, cuz that's not conscious.
Maybe I'm over...
Cuz I'm even more aware, more alive,
More awake than when I'm not in surgery.
So like Anthony Hamilton and Chris Brown,
Don't wake me up,
Cuz this reality is better than any
Dream of life that I could think to have.
Let me be free in my art
So that life dances the way
My soul does whenever I'm on
Their operating table....